Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
