This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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