the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
