she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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