turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Can I color on your dick again?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
