Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
