Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
