If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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