I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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