So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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