Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
