for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
