Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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