Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
