This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
