the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
