Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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