I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
