And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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