My balls are so social today.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize