no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My bed smells like the plague
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