After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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