Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
