I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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