Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
