KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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