This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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