maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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