Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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