He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
