im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
