Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thus making me awesome and them whores
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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