in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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