I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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