Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
