What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
