i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
