they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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