half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
