I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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