ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
