She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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