1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Green mimosas i think yes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
