The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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