Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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