I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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