Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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