This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
