The maid of honor just puked.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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