Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
