he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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