Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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