Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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