I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
