I CAN MOONWALK!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
