Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
