She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
