my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
