Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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