She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
