Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
