i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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