i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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